Dark Matches: Oden Schreiner defeated local talents Jenson West and Jonah Webb, El Espectro defeated local talent Jamal Whitehead
Edward Findleton: Welcome to HAW! We’re in Detroit, Michigan, and we’ve got a great main event, with Glenny Pax vs Phoenix!
THE Casey Gains: And not only that, we’ll have the HAW in ring debut of El Termitas II! But before we get there, we’re kicking the show off with a match of two former world champions!
Mitchell Row’s music came on, and he came out with Kitty Kayleen. As they got to the ring, she grabbed a microphone.
Kitty Kayleen: Last year, Athena ruined everything. She stole our title…she disrupted our life! And since then, everyone has been nothing but disrespectful to us! You think she beat me? I let her win! I didn’t want to hurt a woman who just had a child! Screw all of you who taunted me, who trolled me, who acted like spoiled brats! Athena, I’m going to take that title from you, and tonight, what my husband does to his opponent…that’s what I’ll do to you!
With that, Fun Fight Machine came out next to face Mitchell Row.
Both men showed why they had been former champions in this intense match, but when Athena’s music played and distracted Mitchell Row, Fun Fight Machine capitalized and won in 9:28.
Edward Findleton: And Fun Fight Machine wins! The music gave him the upper hand, he hits the 450 Splash, and that was all she wrote!
THE Casey Gains: Kitty better hope her match at Shootout goes better than this, or else she is going to be going home empty handed, just like her husband!
Backstage, RJ Bu was on his phone, swiping with his finger.
RJ Bu: No…no…DEFINITELY not….oooh….she’s fine!
Dalton Elkins: Hey RJ!
From down a hall, Dalton Elkins was shouting at Bu. RJ Bu quickly started to run in the opposite direction, but turning the corner ran straight into Sydney Mason, who grabbed him.
Sydney Mason: Hey bud…calm down!
Dalton caught up, and the two men put their arms around RJ, and started forcing him to walk with them.
Sydney Mason: It’s ok, it’s ok…I think we just got off on the wrong foot.
RJ Bu: Bro, listen bro. I was not trying to upstage you or anything bro. I just knew you guys were the type that only make six figures, girls don’t dig that, you know? That’s all bro!
Dalton Elkins: Don’t worry “bro.” We’re going to take you to the ring now and let you make a public apology to us!
The Biofuel Engineers kept pushing him along, and eventually had led him out to the ramp and into the ring
Sydney Mason: Hey Detroit! Look who we got here! The real ladies’ man, RJ Bu! But RJ….you did us wrong last week. So we would like an apology.
RJ Bu: Yo I’m sorry! We can all go out after the show, I know a club! It’ll be good guys!
Dalton Elkins: RJ, you REALLY hurt our feelings.I think something bigger is owed to us. Maybe….your new car?
RJ Bu: Whoa..come on bro! I just got that a few weeks ago. They actually made me go down there and sign for it, took an hour! That’s a lot of time man!
Sydney forcefully grabbed RJ and put him in a headlock.
RJ Bu: Ok! Ok! Here’s the keys! Here you go!
As RJ Bu handed the keys, Sydney let go.
Dalton Elkins: Thanks pal! We just have one more thing….why did Niko Green come out to save you?
RJ Bu: Yo dude, you gotta believe me I don’t know him at all. He’s a weird cat, never tried talking to me, I never tried talking to him.
Dalton Elkins: You expect us to believe that?
RJ Bu: I’m being honest man! Let me go!
At that point, Niko Green appeared on stage and started walking down to the ring with a microphone. Sydney let go and the Biofuel Engineers looked ready for the confrontation.
RJ Bu: There he is! My best friend! My main man Niko G! Niko in the house!
Niko got into the ring and got in the fact of RJ Bu:
Niko Green: Guy in the back who hits the censor button? I’m giving you a fair warning. RJ Bu, *BLEEP* you.
Niko turned to the Sydney and Dalton next.
Niko Green: And *BLEEP* you and *BLEEP* you! Listen up, RJ, I’m not your friend, I’m not your man, and if we’re being real here, I don’t really care if the rest of the roster beats the hell out of you.
RJ Bu: Bro…
Niko Green: That being said, my bigger problem is with you two! The Biofuel Engineers. That’s what you two call yourselves, that’s what you do in your…spare time, I guess? Destroy our planet! You find sites, chop down forests, displace endangered species, and generally ruin the ecosystem, then produce more harmful emissions just to grow your product!
Dalton Elkins: Seriously? That’s what you’re mad about
Niko Green: RJ Bu, is an ignorant, womanizing narcissist, but at least the damage he’s doing isn’t killing our entire planet!
RJ Bu: Yeah! You tell ‘em man!
Niko Green: Shut up!
RJ Bu: Sorry bro.
Niko Green: So give him back his keys, leave this ring, and ideally, leave your biofuel company, and maybe focus on being better people!
Sydney held the car keys out to RJ Bu, but dropped them on the ground, forcing him to pick them up.
Sydney Mason: We’ll leave tonight…but we’re not done with you two. Why don’t we settle this in the ring?
The crowd started to cheer, and Niko cracked his knuckles and got ready.
Sydney Mason: …..Next week.
The Biofuel Engineers exited the ring as the crowd booed them. RJ Bu yelled some taunts to them, then tried to high five Niko Green, who ignored him and exited as well.
Edward Findleton: Well we got a match for next week! The future of the planet can be on the line!
THE Casey Gains: Edward, please don’t oversell it that much. Let’s get to our next match!
“Local Legend” Danny Miller made his way down to the ring for the next match, in blue and silver attire.
Edward Findleton: Detroit’s own, Danny Miller! Looks like he’s representing the colors of the football team here!
THE Casey Gains: So he’s trying to lose this match?
Edward Findleton: Come on Casey! He’s got a chance, it’s the debut of El Termitas II! Let’s see what his mindset was earlier today!
As El Termitas made his way down to the ring, a pre-recorded promo of him backstage played.
El Termitas II: Tonight, I have my first HAW match. I owe it to LaZor for finding me and getting me signed here. But make no mistake, this is not my first time in the ring, and I am not a rookie. To my beautiful girlfriend, thank you for supporting me on this journey, and to my little boy and girl, I hope you’re excited to see Daddy on TV. Gracias!
With that, the match was underway. El Termitas made quick work of Danny Miller, pinning him in 3:29 after a Shiraunai.
As El Termitas got on the rope to celebrate, Pastor James started walking down the ramp. Termitas got ready, and James slid into the ring and tried to attack El Termitas II. Termitas knocked Pastor James with a toe hold, then delivered arm drags every time James tried to approach him. As James wobbled to his feet, El Termitas hit him with a Shiraunai as well, then picked up the National Championship and held it in the air.
Edward FIndleton: What a debut for El Termitas II! Perhaps even more impressive than defeating Danny Miller, he made Pastor James look like a fool!
THE Casey Gains: Agreed on that Edward. James looked uncharacteristic, coming out here looking for a fight, and it bit him badly.
Backstage, the MuscleGang members were sitting around, with Liam reading off his phone.
Crash: Are you serious?
Lovable Liam: Yes! Mattslammer99 writes “MuscleGang? More like Muscle Lame”
Crash: We need to tell Freezer Man to sign this Matthew Slammer so we can fight him.
Frederic St. Pierre: I do not believe that’s his real name.
Lovable Liam: Regardless, our approval ratings are actually declining. According to the focus groups, fans are more interested when we AREN’T champions.
Crash: But they cheer when we win!
Lovable Liam: Well let me read more if you don’t believe me! Squirrel minion says “Do I want get a lobotomy or have Crash shoved down my throat for hours?”
Crash: Tag match, us against Matthew Slammer and Squirrel minion, let’s make it happen.
Lovable Liam: And Corndog Hank Underscore says “Crash MuscleGate? More like Crash master….” actually I won’t finish the rest of that one.
Crash: Add Mr. Underscore to the match!
Oden: They aren’t real names! Stop! Just fight a real match! Us four against them four!
Crash: ….Underscore, Slammer and Squirrel is three though, not four…
Oden: Viking, Iconoclast, Briggs, Brunswick!
Crash: ….Genius idea Oden. Liam, get them on the phone now!
Liam nodded and dialed a number. The screen split in two, showing Viking answering.
Viking: Hello?
Crash: Viking! It’s Crash! And us four…are challenging you four to a match!
Viking: What are you talking about?!
Crash: Four on four! Do you accept?
Viking: It’s just me and Iconoclast here!
Liam: …You mean you don't hang out with Brunswick and Briggs?
Viking: No!
Liam: …..Oh….Hold on, I’m going to try to add them to the call. If we get disconnected don’t go anywhere, I’ll call back, alright?
As Liam dialed a second number, a third screen was added with Brunswick and Briggs answering elsewhere.
Brunswick: Why am I getting a phone call from Lovable Liam?
Oden: NEXT WEEK! Musclegang vs Blights, Brunswick, Briggs! We will destroy you!
Oden grabbed Liam’s phone and hung up.
Frederic St. Pierre: ….That was the best way to achieve that. Now no more phones, no more reading comments. We have a week to prepare.
Edward Findleton: Wow! What a match for next week, a four on four!
THE Casey Gains: It’s almost as important as the fate of the world being decided in a tag match!
Edward Findleton: Well as we talk about the fate of the world…we’ve got an out of this world match starting!
Phoenix made his way down to the ring, with Sentinel by his side. Moments later the lights went out, and Glenny Pax made his entrance with his Visitors alongside him.
In a lengthy match of 14:42, Glenny Pax defeated Phoenix with a Standing Tornado DDT.
Edward Findleton: And Glenny finally picks up the victory in a hard fought effort!
THE Casey Gains: We have to look back earlier in the match though, Phoenix hit the Phoenix Splash, but one of Glenny’s visitors distracted referee Tom Hunter.
Edward Findleton: I agree Casey, that was the turning point, because after that Glenny was able to regain control! Folks, we’re out of time for tonight, thank you for joining in, and we’ll see you next week!
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